40 Things I’ve learned at 40
Part 1
I was recently blessed to see my 40th birthday! 40 wonderful years on this beautiful planet. At one time, I would not have realized how fortunate I was to see this momentous occasion. I am definitely still learning something new all the time!
Here are a few of the lessons that I have learned at this point in my life’s journey. There will be a Part 2 coming in a few weeks, and I can only imagine what my list would look like in another 40 years.
- Who Cares What Other People Think?
I spent way too much time worrying what other people thought of me. Like most of the youth, I obsessed with worrying about whether people were talking about me behind my back. I wanted to know what people were saying about me but as you can imagine, young people can be cruel.
I love that the older I get, the less I care about what people say about me.
I live my life the way I want to and if people do not like the brand of my sense of humor or the way I talk or even how I laugh, who cares? That is their issue.
2. What’s Happened has Happened?
We cannot change the past, no matter how much we wish it. I learned to just accept it no matter what. Whether it is something that I did or somebody else was responsible for, I try to correct it if I can. Of course, these anxious moments tend to pop in my head with a gut punch usually when I am falling asleep or taking a shower, but I focus on other things that has worked and will work out in the future, and literally say “Oh well”.
3. 40 is Not Old!
I remember when I was younger and I used to dread getting older, thinking of all my freedoms gone and my responsibilities piling up. As a pre-teenager, I’d imagine working long hours for a job I didn’t enjoy, paying bills, no play time… I did not want any of it… you can ask my family; they remember this about me.
I HATED the idea of turning 30! I had this age in my head where I was officially old, and I could not have fun any longer.
Sadly, I remember watching the news and drastically sobering up.
Life is short and we aren’t guaranteed to hit 30, 40 years old. Heck, we aren’t promised to live another second. Let’s enjoy every day for the blessing it is.
I also like my life. I find joy in my life, including my wonderful family and friends, career and starting this website has been so much fun!
4. Wear What I Want
I know this one is harder for some people to accept because it is easy to follow the trendy fashion. I realized I don’t like putting on clothes I don’t feel comfortable or feel hot in. Wear what you want, who cares what others think about it? If you love the top fashion looks, then wear it. If not, don’t wear it. It really is that simple.
5. Be Myself
I’ll say it again: life is too short to be anybody but yourself all the time. I used to hide some of my true interests and genuine self, because I felt vulnerable standing out. Being a little different.
Now at 40, I think how much I like myself. I’m funny, personable, friendly, kind, smart, unique, reliable… I say this not to brag but to show I am comfortable with who I am.
6. Figured Out Who I Was
There are so many exercises that can help you figure who you truly are. I am a fan of a pen and paper to write down who I am such as things I value about myself.
7. Don’t Be Petty
This was something I used to experience that made me get so angry at the small things. I would get easily offended or feel slighted and I would essentially pout. I acted like a child. I mean the only thing missing was me poking out my bottom lip and crossing my arms across my chest.
Now I am so much better at letting the small things roll off my back. I don’t get easily offended or upset. What’s the point of that? To always be unhappy and ticked off? No thank you, I chose contentment.
8. Don’t Hold Grudges
This one is pretty easy for me. For some reason, I have not been one to hold a grudge for too long. I’m definitely not a saint or a monk, and still get upset about some things. However, my spirit is not one to hold on to the anger and hurt.
This does not mean that I forget, but I forgive and am ready to move on pretty quickly.
9. Focus on What You Want/ The Power to Manifest and Focus/Prayer
How can you focus and pray for what you want if you don’t know what you want? Sometimes we don’t know what we want until we find out the hard way. Or we know what we DON’T want but cannot explain what we do want. Prayer, meditate, journal, any internal work to figure out what you do want so you can focus on those desires.
Manifesting happiness is wonderful. Would you be happy if you were making more money, meeting your partner, having kids, etc.? If that is what you want, pinpoint and clarify it for yourself.
10. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
OK, I am still not great at this one, but I have gotten better I would like to think so. I would stress out for the tiniest thing that ultimately was not a big deal. Nothing to lose sleep over and obsess over, but I would have anxious stomach flutters and get very panicky.
Now, I don’t want to say that I don’t care but I keep whatever the thing is in perceptive. Does this affect my family? Our health? Will I lose my job?
Breaking it down definitely helps me to mellow out and calm down.
11. Got Outdoors
I live in California, so I am fortunate that even in winter, I can go outdoors. I know cold is a relative term, but it could get as low as 50ish degrees here and to me that is cold, but it is still a possible to get outdoors.
Hikes, walks, jog, picnics, sitting at the beach, just getting outdoors has been a game changer for me, the older I get now. Most mornings I can really appreciate the beautiful blue skies and white clouds with birds chirping in the background… makes me feel so joyful.
12. Golden Rule
Treat people the way you want to be treated. I don’t think there is anything more I can add. We learned this lesson as children, but so many others and are own selves need a refresher.
13. Appreciate My Family/Tribe, Blood or Not
I have been absolutely blessed with amazing family and a bonus family (in-laws). I am so thankful… and my friends? I have some incredible (though very few) people that are not blood-related but will always have a special place in my heart.
So, while some people are not so fortunate to have an amazing family, you get to chose your friends and loved ones. Once you find them, surround yourself with them.
14. Got Out There
I mean this both regarding friendships and romantic relationships. Life is too short to spend it alone. There are so many social media apps that help you meet people in a way that is honest and comfortable.
15. Found a Job I Enjoyed
As I described earlier, life is too short to be miserable. We are not guaranteed any time on this wonderful earth, so why would we waste it spending approximately 1/3 of our day miserable?
I used to work retail and I was not only miserable at my job 40 hours a week, but I was unhappy when I was not working because I was thinking of my unfulfilling occupation even when I wasn’t clocked in,
I know there are many variables when it comes to a career: livable wages, what’s available; experience, but enjoyment and contentment should be a factor. Carpe diem!
16. Learned My Worth-Professionally and Personally
Make sure to know your worth and stand up for yourself respectfully. I remember I would be so disrespected at my retail job because I am able to speak up for myself outside of the work environment easily. However, when it came to standing up to my work peers, I clamed up.
Such a disappointing emotion.
17. Followed “Be That Woman” Trend
I really love this trend that started a few years ago. I feel like there are many definitions and meanings for each person. To me, it is the imaginary person I aspire to be:
- She is confident, self-assured, and has an aura about her
- She is successful, intelligent and always getting stuff done
- She is stylish, authentic and comfortable in her skin
- She is the person I think I of when I think of who I want to be.
Time for me to imagine myself as that person. Implement steps to have you reach your goals. I do believe I waited too long for doing it, but I do not regret it. the time I did it, was the time it was supposed to happen.
18. Stop Ignoring Red Flags
It is so important that we don’t ignore the red flags. The instances that stand out in our minds, but we ignore what are gut is telling us. Sometimes I would look back and remember I had a feeling that something bad would happen that one time, but I didn’t follow my gut feeling. Now I try to focus on that feeling when I have it. I am not 100% but it helps to think about that in the moment and not live with that regret.
19. Forgave Myself
It is too simple to just say “Don’t live with regrets.” Humans are not 100 percent perfect in making life choices. We will make bad decisions that will have an effect. We will have things we look back on and regret it. That’s life.
Acknowledge the mistake but you have to move on. We forgive others so easily but hold on to the biggest grudges for ourselves.
I am not perfect in this step. I definitely still have random memories that leave me with a WTF, and renewal of embarrassment and insane levels of regret, but I accept them and move on. While you can try to re-do it in a similar fashion, the next time, it isn’t really the same thing.
20. Determined What My Morals Were
Be true to yourself. Doing anything you do not truly agree with, leaves us with an icky feeling. Life is too short to be anything but honest to ourselves. Going against what you honestly think is right/wrong is such an awful feeling.
lie is too short to be unable to look into the mirror and feel good about what you see there.
