How To Be a Social Butterfly Even If You Have to Fake it.

What does the term social butterfly mean to you? Who is that person? Eye contact, endless smiles, easy jokes and confident communication? To many people, I think doing these mannerisms are stress-inducing and slightly nauseating.

I think of the quiet and shy person I used to be; I never spoke to people, and I wasn’t trying to be rude, but my brain would literally shut off! I could not think of a single response. I was so worried what they would think of my response, or my voice might squeak, or I may say some weird, awkward thing. Basically, anything worst-case scenario, would happen probably twice.

Now, honestly, I still get a little anxious seeing old friends and meeting new people. I don’t think I will be 100% cured of a little bit of nerves. However, I don’t let it keep me down (or literally inside) because I know I feel better tackling it and engaging with humans.  

Here are a few things that have helped me to get out of my shell and thrive in social settings. I am not a therapist, or anybody educated in giving psychological assistance, but I hope these tactics and mentality changes can help somebody out there.

Get in the Habit of Saying ‘Yes’ to Invites

I know it is so easy to make up excuses to miss going out if you are invited. If you really do not want to go, do not go. Follow your gut. However, really think why you do not want to go. Is it because really awful people will be there? Or is it because you are a little anxious about meeting people?

Nobody can truthfully answer this but you and you alone.

However, you will never become a people person without actually getting out there and practicing. While the idea of being a social butterfly in your own home, sounds fun – the goal is to be one in social situations with other people.

So, dig deep and be honest with the real reason you are saying ‘no’ the invite.

If You Make Plans, Keep Them

I love the memes on social media about introverted people making plans while in an extroverted mood but now the real introverted me must go. This is me!

One way that I challenge myself is to stick to my plans. There are some instances that I will reschedule such as a family emergency, illness, or unexpected events, but in general, I will not cancel. In most cases, it is usually the time before the event that is the most stressful, but while I am there, I am just fine and enjoy myself.

While there are also memes describing joy from cancelled plans, I try to never cancel because of nerves because then it becomes a bad habit and easy to build on the next time and the next time…

Stop Overthinking it

Do not overthink too much. Previously, I was worried about awkward silences at social settings. What is that exactly? A moment of silence in conversation… is that such a bad thing? Rarely does a conversation ever go on nonstop with no breaks. That is just fine. If you’re worried about saying something wrong, use that silence to get your thoughts together to say what you actually mean – clearly.

Come Prepared

I know I just said to not overthink it but something that works for me is thinking about what is happening in my life before any social outing. I think of any recent achievements, trips, news that I can share. For professional settings, I think of appropriate talking points. This helps you so you aren’t wracking your brain for things to discuss at the moment.

Dress The Part

As is the theme with this website, dress in clothes that make you feel great and confident. You look great and you feel great almost every time. Wear an outfit you love, the earrings you love, the perfume you love… leave your house in clothes, hairstyles, accessories you are confident wearing, and you will be confident. Own your style and dress how you want. There are no rules with fashion except one- wear what you love.

Know Your Worth

You have to know that people want to be around you for a reason. You listen well and are engaged in what people have to say; You are fun and entertaining; you are wise and a delight.

Hype yourself up! Tell yourself these things right before you go out. There are short mantras on Pinterest or affirmations on Spotify that are great to listen to when you have any self-doubt. I love Habits of a Goddess on Apple Podcasts.

Find Subjects That Interest You

Now I am all about being your true self and adapting when you feel the desire to, so find themes and subjects that interest you. Maybe you have always had an interest in gardening or philosophy, then read up on it (be weary of politics, of course).

Rather than research new topics, you can talk about your current interests. Be open to discussion and maybe teaching others on it as well.

Be interesting. This will attract others to you and you will always have something to talk about to others.

Do Your Research

There are so many books, YouTube videos, podcasts, you name it, with tips. Immerse yourself in these in-depth books. The more you read and apply it to your life, the more it will become part of your identity.

I tend to enjoy YouTube videos from The Feminine Universe, Vickita Trivedi, and Tam Kaur channels that focus on confidence, mindsets, and charm, but chances are there are some perfect ones for anyone.

Envision Yourself as a Social Butterfly

We all have that vision of our dream person. Our imaginary person that has everything together; that delightful, charismatic, amazing being; that almost perfect person in our head that we admire and want to emulate.

Become that person. How do they prep for a social outing? How do they hold themselves up? How do they make others feel? Really dive deep to see what makes them your imaginary idol and embody it.

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These are a few tips to start with to transform into a social person. I know there are different levels of anxiety, but I hope this is a start because we all deserve to get out and enjoy ourselves. Humans are social and at some point, in our lives, we have to interact with others.

“We are social beings and our brains grow in a social environment.” ~ Eric Jensen