How to Be Comfortable When You Think You Don’t Fit in

Listen, it is hard to be yourself when you choose not to follow the status quo. To put yourself out there as somebody who is different from the masses, can be so hard. Giving in just to blend-in seems easy but it’s not.

I was always a little different from my friends and I didn’t have the guts to really act like myself. I was from a somewhat small town and as a black girl that loved rock music, it was difficult not to stand out.

Obviously, I was not the first and only black rocker girl in the world, but it still was not normal in my circle. I talked a little different too, so people would make fun of how I sounded. My friends were great, but they would still tease me about my quirky personality because that was the nature of our relationship. I was not ready for it or comfortable showing them yet.

Now today, I love me and have no issues sharing my true self. Here are a few of the mental changes that helped me feel comfortable in my own skin.

Appreciate your unique qualities.

It’s okay that there are not many people that have the same likes/dislikes as you. Treat yourself as you would a close friend or family member. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves, but when we see our qualities in someone else, we admire them. Maybe you have to give yourself a self-reflecting assignment: get some paper and a pen and write down everything that you love about yourself.

I have only done trivia a handful of times in my life. I enjoy it but I haven’t had a chance to engage in it often. It’s something that gives me confidence because I have a lot of knowledge, I could bring to a trivia contest. I know this is random, but I love to imagine all the factoids I can bring to a team with a broad range of knowledge in eccentric music, pop culture, sports (like hockey).

Accept yourself. 

As you mature and hit a certain age, you realize it does not matter what other people think of you. I know this is harder when you are younger and if somebody doesn’t like you or calls you names, your life feels like it’s been turned upside down. OMG, do not allow this to be a person you are interested in dating… I’m at that stage in life where I have accepted that I have no control over how others feel about me. I see myself as a good person (whatever that means to me) and if anybody has a problem with that, that is their problem.

Instead of worrying so much about being different, lean into it. For example, instead of stressing about being awkward or having a different sense of humor, accept that is who you are. I can be awkward at times, but I have accepted that is who I am. There is no changing who I am, nor do I want it to change.

While any sort of self-love and acceptance matters most when it comes from within, corny as it sounds, it is so important to accept yourself. I think a great way to start is by accepting compliments from other people. I have to really force myself with this one.

If somebody pays me a compliment, I want to deflect or make a joke. Instead, I try to remain mindful and say, ‘thank you’. No jokes to deflect them. I let them know that I appreciate it and maybe compliment back if it is merited but not out of obligation.

Just wear what you want!

What is more rock n’ roll than wearing what you want to wear and not caring about what anyone thinks. OK, obviously there are some areas where you will have to follow some sort of dress code generally in public, work settings, etc., but you can still find ways to wear clothes you enjoy. Do not solely wear trendy clothes just because they are in vogue. If you enjoy the baggy pants or cropped top trend happening right now, then do it. I personally prefer edgy femininity outfits, so I will most likely wear a black dress with sandals because that is the style I prefer.

Be open minded to people who are different from you.

As an adult I still have close friends that are my polar opposite – pink, girly girl, pop music loving, princesses. I have friends that are similar to me in music and lifestyle choices. I appreciate them all the same because they are good people. Find your tribe!

Listen to affirmations.

I love a good affirmation podcast to help me remember who I am. Go onto Spotify, Apple Music or any platform that offers podcasts and find one that speaks to you (literally).

Listening to these affirmations and/or a worthy mindset book and/or flash cards, reminds you to accept and love yourself because it slowly breaks through your subconsciousness.

Change what you don’t like about yourself.

While this website is all about loving yourself as you are, that does not mean that you should not be open to changes, as long as you are remaining true to yourself.

Say you don’t like that you have a certain mindset, where you see the negative, rather than the positive; This may be something you’d like to change. We don’t have to stay stagnant just because that is who we currently are at the moment.

As I mentioned above, embrace goodness (whatever that means to you) but you have the power to change anything. Staying true to yourself does not mean you have to stay the same.

You are your own boss.  You have the final say.

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These are a few of my tips and tricks that have helped me to feel comfortable in own skin. There are a lot of resources out there, books, websites, health and mental professionals. My way may not work for you. I truly believe we all deserve to feel our best. I am totally pro-therapy, so if these tips don’t help at all, maybe it is time to get some professional help. We all deserve to feel our best, as our true selves, ALL THE TIME